even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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