I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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