I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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