ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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