you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
