In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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