I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
