im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
