remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
