Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
