I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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