Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
sex in a hospital.. check
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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