I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
