I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
