Moan for me like Helen Keller
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
