Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Found the puke drawer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
