Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
