I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
