I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
