3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
