the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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