weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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