I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
