So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
