he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
