meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
