Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
