I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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