i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
