He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
