like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
