she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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