Who wears a wallet chain?!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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