We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
