1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
