I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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