i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
