i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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