yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
