just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
