i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
