saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
