1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
