Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
