your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
