we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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