When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
