marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he shaved USA in his pubs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
