GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
