I could make wine with my vomit
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
