You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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