found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
