some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
