Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
