I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
