She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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