I hate your face
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
