why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
