we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
