first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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