Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
