You can't motorboat a personality
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
