two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
