I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
