Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
