we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
