plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
