3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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