yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
