I'm going to jail i love you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
